nah-noo nah-noo do-be-do

we all aRe one fuck-up-step away from suicide, so the floating perhaps-maybe that robin did-IT should not shock. for maybe he just got tired and decided that it was time to go, fua-pa-fuera, on his own terms, sort of because enough-of-the-pressure, that constant one-must-have-it-aLL. that ALL we know that is never enough, even when supposedly you do, have-it-all. even with the plus-on-benefit of sort-of being free with that dangling bonus of the right to pursuit happiness in front of your eyes and mind your lifetime. your lifetime, yours never to initiate nor end. so yeah, there´s always more than ALL and we want it... somewhere else, rushing forward in that slippery whatever, the what´s it all about doomed syndrome of the soul and its "search" as we degenerate and one day, the beauty of flowers is not what it used to be...

anyway, almost thirty years ago, as i walked lost on the avenue of the americas in nyc, feeling like the loneliest person surrounded by strangers in the horrendous dirty little planet that manhattan was (and is), i run into Robin Williams. actually, it was more like i rammed into him, because i am clumsy and as usual, i was walking distracted. he smiled, perhaps expecting me to recognize him, which i did a few steps later (coño, that was mork!). but then, right in front of him, i just kind-of-excused myself and continued walking north, feeling, yes... a bit suicidal. but just a bit, like probably everyone else that walked around me. and a bit is never enough courage to complete the deed. a bitonga perhaps is the right amount...

but i was not a fan then, and never was, really. however, as a young-not-so-acid-me i loved Mork and the frenzy in his blue eyes when he went off in rampages of high-velocity apparently silly humor. it seemed that he owned the world and all of us inside it in those sharp-quick-tongue-twisters of his. so, i guess i had my fifteen seconds of brushing-with-fame when i crossed his path that day and saw his twinkling blue eyes up-close... so there, much more intimacy than most people have in their whole lifetime... with a star. 

and now he is dead, perhaps because he wanted to be it, dead. and so it goes, the perfect ending action to always wanting more, or less, as an answer to the constant quest... so restINpeace, frantic-robin... but i know there´s an oxymoron hiding in that wish...